Dark Secrets
by DarthMalRocks
Summary: Chapter 9 is up! Hiei has many problems. The others know none of them. They think he's just angry. But underneath that anger is his true self. Depressed, his fears take a hold of him. Later, he tries to find solice. Please RR! Flames also accepted.
1. Chapter 1

Dark Secrets

by:ForbiddenChild13

I've been working on this story for 3 years now, I've only just started typing it up. Updating might take a while considering I havent even finished posting my Preps story yet. But it will be done eventually.

Chapter 1: Hiei's wake-up call

It was a peaceful day in the park and Hiei lay in his tree catching up on his sleep when Botan walked up.

"Hiei, wake up. We have to go to see Koenma now," said the ever-persistant ferry girl. Hiei opened one eye and let out a soft "Hn" then went back to sleep.

"Hiei, come on, we're going to be late!" No response. After a few more failed attempts at waking the fire demon, Botan flew her oar up to the branch that he lay on.

"HIEI JAGANSHI! GET YOUR ASS UP AND LET'S GO!" she screamed right in his ear. This, of course scared the crap out of him and made him fall out of his tree and onto his butt. As Hiei came out of his daze, he glared up at Botan as she tried to keep from laughing. Hiei groaned as he got up and continued his heated death glare.

"I'm sorry Hiei," Botan said while still giggling, "I just didn't expect you to fall out of the tree." To her suprise Hiei just smirked and said,

"Idiots like you are amused by anything, you're lucky I won't kill you for that, this time."

"You won't threaten to kill me?" Hiei smiled mischeiviously,

"I would kill you if you weren't so damn hot."

"Did I just recieve a compliment from the almighty Hiei I'm-such-an-arrogant-asshole Jaganshi?" She asked sarcastically. Hiei just smied to himself as he got on her oar to leave,

"Hn. Maybe."

-Arrival at Koenma's-

When they arrived at Koenma's palace, they went to the room where everyone else was waiting.

"I'm sorry we're late, everyone," Botan said, "Hiei decided to catch up on his beauty sleep." Hiei just glared and said, "And if your ferry bitche's mouth weren't so damn big, I could still be sleeping!" Koenma rolled his eyes and said, "Now that everyone is here, we can get started. It has come to my attention that lately a lot of your assignments have dealt with demons that can inject very lethal poisons when angry. So, to prevent you from getting killed by said poisons, I have obtained some powerful immunizations. After recieving the shots, you must wait 24 hours untill they start working. After which, we will discuss your latest assignment. You may all stay here tonight. But first, we need to take a blood sample from each of you so we can give you all the correct type of immunization and to see that you don't have anything in your blood that could counteract the shots. We will have the results back within an hour of taking the blood." Botan grinned and said, "Koenma? Can we give Hiei a rabies shot while we're at it? Incase he tried to bite my head off again." (play on words ppl, I heart puns.) Koenma smiled and said, "I don't see why not." Botan laughed a little but her laughter soon turned to a shocked silence as she saw that Hiei had a terrified look on his face and was trembling.

"Hiei! What's wrong? Why are you shaking?" Everyone looked over at him and a startling silence took over the room.

"Please, don't...let him...hurt me any...more." And everything went black.

So, that was my first chapter, I hope you liked it. If you didnt, keep in mind that I wrote this 3 years ago, the later chapters show evidence that a long time has passed and my style changes a little. Please R/R!


	2. Chapter 2

I only received two reviews but oh well...maybe I'll get more this time. Enjoy!

Chapter 3: What happened before

A small boy lay curled up and shaking on the cold floor of the dungeon cell. Two guards opened the door and yanked the choke chain that was used to restrain him. The boy stood up, his body was thin and covered with gashes and blood. It was evident that this child had not eaten nor slept for a very long time. It was also evident, by the fear he held in his eyes, that he was about to be covered in even more blood. As the guards led the child down a hallway, they would stop every so often to hit or kick him. But he did not cry out. He was trained to not cry out. For if he did, the punishments would be even more severe. When they reached the end of the hallway, they entered a door. Inside this door was the room where most of the prisoners died. Very few came out alive from the torture that took place in within these walls. The boy had never been to this room, but he had heard stories from the few who had. Stories about the unspeakable acts of torture that occured in this room. The guards always told him that they would send him in one day. He had always been safe from the almost certain death that came when one entered this room. But now he wasn't, now the boy, at the young age of eight was sent in this room to experience this torture.  
The guards pushed him roughly into the room and slammed the door behind them. One of them threw the child against the wall then chained him to it while the other guard grabbed a whip with pieces of broken glass and barbed wire attached to the ends of it. He walked over to the boy who was chained down and laughed as he kicked the child. He stopped though, because the boy wouldn't make a sound. "Why do you not cry out" he asked with a slight Russian accent. But the child wouldn't answer.  
The man frowned and said, "Fine, you'll scream soon enough." He cracked the whip across the boys back. But still, the child wouldn't make a sound. So he kept whipping the boy. The child kept quiet, even when the glass and barbed wire got stuck in his side and the man savagly tore it out. Though he visibly flinched, the child just stared at the man with large, defiant, red eyes. Then they unchained him. The boys spirits lifted as he thought they were done. But his heart sank as they held him down and stuck a needle with a strange yellow liquid in his arm. A pain spread throughout his body. A pain so great, he could hardly keep in his screams. He wished they were still beating him it hurt so much. He screamed. A blood curdling scream that caused his throat to go hoarse. Blood started filling his throat and he soon felt himself struggling to breath. Then, blood filled his eyes causing him to go blind. He found himself unable to scream and unable to see. He could only listen as the guards laughed at his silent struggle.

And that, is why Hiei is afraid of needles.

He managed to scream once more which caused him to wake up. Botan rushed over to him when he screamed. When she got there, he was trembling and covered in a cold sweat. She reached out and gingerly put a hand on his shoulder. When she touched him though, he jumped and cried out whilst looking around frantically. That was when she saw just how scared Hiei was.  
"Are you alright?" She asked him. He didn't respond. He just kept staring at her, piercing her with his eyes. A chill ran down her spine as she stared deep into his crimson eyes, trying to find some traces of emotion, but finding none. Koenma and the others walked in, bringing Botan out of her trance. Koenma walked up to them and said,  
"We need to take some of Hiei's blood." Hiei stared at the needle and bagan to tremble.  
"What the hell is wrong with him?" Yusuke asked, worridly.  
"I don't know," Koenma responded,"but we don't have time for this. Hiei! Snap out of it, we just need a blood sample from you." He grabbed Hiei's arm and was about to stick the needle into it when he heard something clatter to the ground. He looked down and saw a small black orb. Koenma picked it up and realized that it was one of Hiei's own tear gems. He looked back up at the fire demon and saw Botan holding him in her arms.  
"Koenma, stop scaring him." Botan scolded.  
"What did I do?" Koenma asked.  
"Haven't you realized it by now?" Botan responded,"Hiei's afraid of needles."

SO there is my second chapter. Hope you liked it. Please R/R. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ah yes, still only a few reviews. Oh well, we'll see what happens after this chapter.  
Time for more Hiei OOCness Chapter 3: Blood test and whatnot

"Shorty's afraid of needles!" Kuwabara laughed,"And he thinks I'M a pussy"  
"Leave Hiei alone!" Botan yelled, "Besides, you ARE a pussy"  
"This is just great!" Koenma yelled, "Why does he have to start freaking out at a time like this"  
"Koenma, don't yell at him. It's not his fault, something must have happened to him to cause this, we just need to figure out what it is." Botan stated. They all stared down at the fire demon who had fallen asleep in Botan's arms.  
"What do you think could have happened?" Yusuke asked.  
"I don't know," Kurama said, "We'll ask him once he wakes up." A few minutes later Hiei opened his eyes to the faces of his worried teammates stareing back down at him.  
"Hiei," Botan said gently, "We understand that you're afraid of needles. But we need to take a blood sample from you. Would it make you feel better if you watched one of us do it first?" Hiei just nodded at her and stared blankly at the wall, obviously embarrassed at the fuss he had created.  
"I'll take mine first then." Botan said. Koenma grabbed the needle and went over to Botan who was sitting straight with her arm resting on the table beside her. Hiei watched apprehensivly as Koenma stuck the needle in Botans vein and drew blood from it. When he took the needle from her arm, she got up and smiled at Hiei"  
"See? It's no big deal." Hiei just nodded at her as he walked over to the chair and sat down in it. He put his arm on the table and allowed Botan to hold is other hand to keep him calm. As he stared at the needle that Koenma brought to use on him, he tried to put up his best brave front, but it didn't fool Botan. She saw the look of fear in his eyes.  
"Don't pay attention to the needle." She said, "Just breath deeply and maintain eye contact with me the whole time." Hiei closed his eyes for a moment. Then he breathed deeply while nodding to acknowledge what she said. He then stared deep into her magenta eyes. Botan stared back and only saw one emotion in them. Fear, pure fear. The fear intensified as Hiei felt the needle enter his arm. But then it exited, only to enter and exit again. This repeated a few more times before Botan looked at Koenma and said, "Koenma! What are you doing? Hurry up"  
"I'm trying" he retorted, "I can't find his vein. Ah, there it is." He put the needle in Hiei's vein and started drawing blood.  
"Just relax, and breath deeply." Botan reminded Hiei. Hiei nodded but his breaths became short and eratic.  
"Koenma, please try to hurry. He's starting to hyperventilate"  
"I'm going as fast as I can, this test requires a lot of blood." As he said this, Hiei began to let out soft wimpers and Botan squeezed his hand reassuringly.  
"It's alright Hiei, we're almost done." She said to him. Koenma took the needle out of Hiei's arm and said, "That's all the blood we need." Hiei took a deep breath annd got up, but he soon felt dizzy. Botan, knowing what was about to happen, quickly got up to catch the fire demon as he momentarily passed out. 


	4. Chapter 4

So yeah, I got a few more reviews. I have 6 total. Not that great but whatever, at least someones reading it. I finally updated my Preps story. No new reviews on that one either. I dunno, here's the next chapter for you. Just a quick warning, when I wrote this a couple of years ago I was really depressed. So don't go yelling at me if it gets too melodramatic for you over the next few chapters. Enjoy!

Chapter 4: His other problem

Hiei woke up a few seconds later.  
"What happened?" He asked.  
"Low blood pressure," Botan said, "You stood up too fast"  
"Oh." was all that Hiei said as he got up and left the room.  
"Wait! Hiei, come back! I have to talk to you!" Botan yelled after him. He didn't turn back. She ran after him. When she caught up with Hiei she said, "Why didn't you turn back"  
"Why should I?" he asked. By now she was about ready to smack him.  
"Hiei, I just did you a favor. I just went out of my way to help you and you didn't even recognize it"  
"Believe me Botan, it will not go unrecognized." With that he stepped in his room and closed the door.  
Later that night.  
Hiei woke up with a start. He was covered in a cold sweat and panting. When he calmed down he got up and checked to make sure no one else was up. Then he grabbed his coat and walked out to the balcony. He jumped to the nearest treebranch, then continued to jump from tree to tree until he found one with a perfect view of the silver full moon. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket knife that Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama had gotten him for Christmas. "They don't need me." He thought as he rolled his sleeve up and placed the knife to it. He cut into his already scarred arm. He kept cutting until his arm was almost completely covered in blood. He smiled as he saw drops of blood fall to the ground below. He then put the knife to his vein and sliced it deeply, vertically. "I will be with you soon enough mother." He thought to himself. Then he heard a voice.  
"Hiei? Is that you"  
'Oh, shit.' He thought. He quickly put the knife away and rolled down his sleeve as Botan came into view, flying on her oar.  
"What are you doing here?" She asked.  
"I couldn't sleep so I came out. What about you"  
"Same," Botan said, "isn't the moon beautiful"  
"Yeah...it's great." Hiei responded. 'Get out of here Botan, please.' He thought to himself. He inadvertantly let out a small wimper. She looked at him.  
"Are you alright"  
"I'm fine." he responded. She then noticed something dripping from his arm.  
"Is something wrong with your arm." He was about to respond when she grabbed is arm and felt the blood soaking through the fabric. She pushed up his sleeve and saw what he had done to himsel. She looked into Hiei's eyes and said, "Hiei, how could you?" A tear fell from his eyes as he looked back at her and said, "I'm sorry." By then the blood loss got to him and he felt dizzy. She managed to catch him as he passed out.

That's the end of that chapter. Upon inspection I realized that not only is Hiei very OOC in this story, but he also passes out a lot. Oh well. It is an angst story. Now is where we start to see a little bit of Hiei/Botan things happening. Please R/R! In the next chapter the others find out about Hiei's little problems and then a flashback happens. How very blunt of me. 


	5. Chapter 5

Thankies to all those who reviewed the last chapter! Now onto the show, er, story. Enjoy!  
Chapter 5: Why?

Botan ran through Koenma's palace carrying Hiei's unconcious body. She had wrapped strips of her kimono around his wrists and arms to try to stop the bleeding but it didn't seem to be working. She started yelling at the others to get up but it was taking too long so she ran into her room and laid Hiei down on her bed. She then started going through her things and looking for bandages to wrap around his wrists. Once she did that she checked to make sure he was still breathing. When she saw that he was still very much alive she heaved a sigh of relief and sat down next to where he was laying and started crying. 'How could he do that to himself?' she wondered, 'How could he do that to me'  
"Is something wrong?" Kurama asked from the doorway. Botan looked up and saw Yusuke, Kurama, Kuwabara, and Koenma standing there.  
"We heard you yelling," Yusuke said, "so we figured something was wrong. Why is Hiei sleeping in your bed?" Botan wiped the tears away from her eyes.  
"He tried to kill himself." she said quietly.  
"That's not funny Botan," Koenma said seriously, "now really, why is HE sleeping in YOUR bed"  
"I WASN'T JOKING!" Botan yelled, "YOU WANT PROOF? HERE!" she tossed the pocket knife to them and Kurama caught it and opened it up. They all looked down and saw the blood that covered the blade. "Why would he do that?" Kuwabara asked. Kurama sighed and said, "I knew that giving him a knife for Christmas was a bad idea"  
"You KNEW he was suicidal?" Botan asked, "Why didn't you tell us"  
"He made me promise not to tell anyone, he says he doesn't want anyone to worry. He says it's no ones business but his"  
"How long have you known this?" Yusuke asked.  
"He's been like this as long as I've known him." Kurama replied, "But I don't know why. He never told me. It probably has a lot to do with his past. It wasn't exactly wonderful. He'll wake up soon. We should put him in his room. He doesn't like people crowding him when he's depressed. He wants to be alone, he's ashamed of people knowing he cries." So Botan carried Hiei's body back to his room and put him on his bed. She then searched the room for his weapons and anything else that he could use to harm himself. She then left the room and locked the door behind her, leaving Hiei to his nightmares...

Flashback

Hiei tried to scream as the vines wrapped around his body. But as soon as he started, a vine found its way around his neck and started choking the young yokai. The 15 year old looked up at his captor who was laughing at the small demons failing stuggle. Yoko laughed as he watched Hiei fighting to get free of the vines.  
"You thought you could get away from me, did you?" Yoko laughed, "You stupid brat, learn your place!" With that the vines squeezed on Hiei's body, crushing the bones in his arms and breaking two of his ribs. The vines loosened their chokehold on his neck so Yoko could hear Hiei's screams and squeezed tighter on his body. Yoko continues laughing as Hiei tries to hold back his screams. Finally, the vines let go of Hiei who fell to the ground on his stomach and didn't move at all. Yoko walked over and kicked Hiei so he rolled onto his back. The fox then grabbed Hiei by the shirt collar and used his claws to slash the boy across the face. He then tore off the bandanna covering the Jagan Eye and stabbed his claws into it causing Hiei to let out an earsplitting scream. Yoko then threw Hiei to the ground and said, "Next time don't run from me you worthless shit!" Then Yoko left Hiei laying on the ground as a pool of black blood starts forming under him.

That's all for that chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. In the next chapter: The others confront Hiei about his suicidal tendencies. Please R/R! 


	6. Chapter 6

Another thankie to all those who reviewed. Especially since I have over 300 hits on this story and like 14 reviews. Here's the next chapter. After this I probably won't be able to update a whole lot. But I will try. Enjoy!

Chapter 6: A new mission

Hiei awoke from his memory to find himself back in his room.  
'I should be dead now...why am I here?' He looked down at his arms and saw the bandages tightly wrapped around them. It was then that he remembered.  
'Oh God,' he thought, 'Botan. I've hurt her again. She shouldn't have followed me, she should've stayed asleep. Why, why do I always hurt the ones I love? I'm I that horrible of a monster. Not that she'd ever love he anyways. She is too pure and I am too tainted.' He felt his eyes start to water. A tear escaped. He heard it clatter to the ground and form a gem. He stared down at the gem and closed his eyes.  
'These tear gems,' he thought, 'another reminder of what I am. The Forbidden child, evil and worthless.' Another tear escaped. In the next room over...everyone was silent as they heard a teargem hit the floor every few seconds.  
"It's sad," Kurama said, "to think about how none of us can relate to him. We never have to hide ourselves because we have families...we have friends. Hiei has had none of those his entire life. He's afraid of what his only sister will say if she finds out he's her brother and he thinks we all hate him. He hates himself so much that he's prayed to die and he screams in his sleep at times. I thought he was over this but I guess it was just a matter of time before he cracked again." At that point Yusuke slammed his fists into the wall and said, "Let me talk to the little bastard. Maybe if I have to I can knock some sense into him." With that he stormed out of the room Hiei looked up as Yusuke came in and locked the door behind him. "You asshole," Yusuke said to him as he walked closer to the Jaganshi, "just what the fuck were you thinking?" "Go away." Hiei said simply. Yusuke walked up to Hiei and punched him in the face.  
"I'm not leaving until you answer my question. Now answer or I'll just hit you again"  
"Try me." So Yusuke punched him again and again. But still no answer came. Hiei just sat there and stared ahead emotionlessly as blood started flowing from his nose.  
"It would be a lot easier if you would just answer me." Yusuke said. Hiei could sense Yusuke's mind straining. He could sense that Yusuke was sick at the thought of hitting him. Yusuke tried again to beat some answers from the demon, hoping Hiei would give up or at least try to defend himself. But he did not. Finally, Yusuke gave in and said, "Hiei please, I hate doing this to you. Just tell me why you did what you did. You obviously have no idea how much you hurt us. We're your friends, Hiei. We care about you. Now tell us what is wrong." Hiei looked darkly up at Yusuke.  
"How dare you call yourselves my friends if you don't even know me"  
"Of course I know you! You're Hiei. You're fearless, strong, loyal, and you would never willingly kill yourself"  
"Ha! You only know the mask"  
"Well then teach me"  
"What"  
"You say I don't know the real you so teach me"  
"No. Go away, I don't want anyone to know the real me"  
"Why not"  
Hiei looked up at Yusuke with dark, emotionless eyes.  
"Because everytime I let someone get close to me I end up slowly killing them"  
Yusuke walked back into the other room and said, "I got nothing out of him"  
"It doesn't matter," Koenma said, "You all got your shots yesterday and he got his while he was passed out. So it's time to give you your next mission." "Koenma," Botan interupted, "You're not seriously thinking of sending Hiei off on a mission in this state"  
"I am," Koenma said, "Hiei needs to get his mind off of things"  
"NO!" Botan yelled, "He can't go on a mission. Not yet. It's too soon! Kurama, please tell me you think so too"  
"I do," Kurama said, "It's far too soon to bring him with and it will only do more damage than it will help"  
"Alright then, it's settled," Kenma said, "Hiei will not go with. But he will go on the next mission regardless of what any of you say! Your currant mission deals with a group of demons who have gotten through to the human world and have been going through towns killing humans for fun. All the information you need is in here." He handed each of them a packet. "Capture the demons dead or alive, it doesn't matter which. It might take a while though since it's a far off area and they are relatively strong." The group started to leave when they saw Hiei waiting expectingly by the door.  
"Hiei," Kurama said gently, "we can't take you with this time and-" He was cut short by the demon.  
"You don't...want me"  
"No!...It's not that." Kurama was interupted again by Hiei who looked darkly at the ground and said, "Hn. Figures. No one else does either." Then he walked away and sat on a windowsill.  
"We should get going." Yusuke said.  
"Right, bye Hiei." Kurama said. Hiei stared out the window and said nothing. Kurama sighted when he realized he wasn't getting a response from his friend and left. As he walked away with the others, he looked back and saw Hiei sitting on the windowsill, stareing at them with a look of hurt betrayel in his eyes.

So that's my latest chapter. Hope you liked it. In the next one: It's been a week since the others left and Hiei is feeling like shit. He hasn't eaten nor drank for a while and he hasn't spoken to anyone. He feels alone so he once more tries to end it. Will it work this time?

SO that's in the next chapter. Please R/R everyone! 


	7. Chapter 7

Here is a big thank you to two particular readers: BlueGreenGrey and Jessica. They seem to be incredible loyal readers. So THANK YOU! Anyways, here is the next chapter. I probably won't get around to doing the next few for a few weeks but I will try. This chapter is full of fluff.  
Chapter 7: Maybe some hope yet...

It had been a week since the others had left. Hiei hadn't moved from the windowsill at all except to use the bathroom. He hadn't eaten or slept and he drank very little water. He hadn't spoken at all and when Botan tried to talk to him, he would only shake or nod his head or shrug. When anyone else tried to talk to him, he completly ignored them. He just sat there, waiting, wondering, praying, that maybe the ones he trusted, maybe even considered 'friends', would come back to him. Or maybe they abandoned him like so many others had before.  
It was raining heavily outside on the evening of the seventh day when Hiei sighed and headed for the bathroom. Botan looked up when she heard the door close behind him. She listened carefully to make sure he came back out. She had been incredibly worried about Hiei being in a room alone ever since his 'attempt' seven days ago. She heaved a sigh of relief when she heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on and then off. But then she tensed up when he didn't come back out. She listened as closely as she could.

Hiei walked to the medicine cabinate and opened it. He searched through the various pills until he found the Aspirin and Valium. He put 10 of each on the counter and proceeded in swallowing each with a glass of water. He considered using the razor in the medicine cabinate to slit his wrists. But decided against it. He stared loathingly at his reflection in the mirror.  
"I hate you." He said to the person in the mirror. "Stupid, worthless, Forbidden Child. You deserve to rot in hell! All you ever do is cause pain, no one loves you...so just go die!" Botan, who was standing outside the door at the time, got scared as she heard this. She ran as fast as she could to find Koenma. After failing to find him, she rand back to the bathroom and flung the door open. She screamed when she saw Hiei, laying unconcious in a large pool of bloody vomit. She ran over and knealt beside him to heal is body as best she could. (she's gonna heal his stomach so the meds don't wear away the lining.) She cried as she shook his limp body trying desperatly to wake him.

Darkness surrounded Hiei as he lay on the brink of death.  
'Perfect,' he thought, 'my plan must have worked. But why then, have I not left this body. The pills should have killed me by now.' Then he heard a voice screaming his name.  
'Botan? What does she want?' He wondered as he started drifting towards conciousness.  
"HIEI!" Botan screamed, "Wake up! Please, wake up!" She smacked him in the face a few times but to no avail. It had been 10 minutes since she found him and, though she healed his stomach, she found very little hope in him living. She cried as she thought about what life would be like without the little fire demon on their team. Did he really want to die that badly?  
"How could you think that no one wants you? That no one loves you?" she sobbed as she looked at his paleing face, "I love you." She froze as she realized what she had just said. Did she really love Hiei? That cold, arrogant, asshole of a fire demon who, at the same time, was protective, loyal, and even...cute?  
'Wait! Did I just think of Hiei as being cute?' She looked down at him, 'Alright, so maybe he is cute. If he lives, I'll tell him that to piss him off. Actually, I never realized how fond of him I am. The yelling fights we have are really quite fun. Gah, I need to quit stalling. Afterall, he's dying. Quick Botan, make up your mind. Do I love him?' She thought for a moment, 'Yes'  
"Hiei," she sobbed, "Please...don't die. I love you." By now, Hiei was just coming to.  
"Would you stop all your crying and screaming ferry woman! It's giving me a headache and- wait! What did you just say"  
"HIEI!" Botan squeaked happily as she launched forward to squeeze the life out of him. (aka a Botan hug of death) "Yes, yes, happy times." Hiei said sarcastically, "Now answer my question." Botan all of a sudden looked extremly angry and started smacking Hiei repeatedly.  
"OW! What was that for?" Hiei yelled.  
"That's what you get for trying to kill yourself...again!" Botan said, "And to answer your question...I said I love you."

So that's my next chapter. I hope you liked it. If you didn't notice, I had a rather large mood swing while writing it. In the next chappie: Hiei responds to Botans vow of love. Please R/R! TTFN! 


	8. Chapter 8

Another thank you to the two of you who reviewed. Onward to the next chapter...

Chapter 8: Ack!

Hiei just looked at Botan with a bewildered look on his face. He tried to say something, he just couldn't find the words. Finally, he spoke.  
"Botan...I, I don't know what to say. No one has ever said something like that to me before. I...I...I think I'm going to be sick." He said as his body gave an involuntary lurch forward.  
"I'm sorry I repulse you so much." Botan said in a hurt voice. Hiei shook his head as he crawled over to the toilet and vomited the rest of the blood in his stomach.  
"It's not that you repulse me. It's that I'm sick." Was all he could say as he went into a frenzy of vomiting. Botan's eyes widened as she saw how much blood was coming out. She realized she had only just barely saved him. When he sopped vomiting, Botan helped steady him and said, "You're a mess. We need to clean up all this blood. Then you need to take a bath and while you're doing that, I will make us some food. Maybe that will make you feel better. I'll call you when the food's ready"  
"Okay," Hiei said. They cleaned the bathroom and then he prepared a bath while she went to the kitchen and started looking for something that a demon would eat. She searched everywhere for something she thought he could keep down. Eventually she settled with soup. When it was done, she called Hiei. They sat down at the table. She handed his soup to him and expected him to eat it like a madman. So she was suprised to see him sit there and stare at it.  
"It's not poison." She said. He nodded and stirred the spoon in it. But still, he did not eat any. Botan sighed and said,  
"Hiei, please eat something. You've been worrying me all week. You must be hungry." Hiei nodded and slowly began to eat his food. When he was halfway done, he stopped.  
"I'm full." He said. Botan smiled at him and said, "Do you want me to save the rest for later." Hiei thought for a moment, then nodded.  
"Alright." Botan said, "I'll put it in a container for later." Then she sat down and said, "Hiei? Can I ask you some questions?" He just looked at her and nodded.  
"Why do you act so cold to all of us? Do you hate us"  
"No." He replied, "None of you need me, I'm useless to the team. And besides, they hate me"  
"What makes you think that way?" Botan asked.  
"The things Kuwabara says to me make me feel worthless. The way Kurama treats me makes me feel like a stupid child. The way Yusuke teases me makes me want to run away. The way you stare at me makes me feel like a monster. You expect me not to know hate in someone's eyes when that's all I've gotten from anyone for my entire life. That's also how I know, that you cant possibly love me. No one can love the Forbidden Child." Hiei spat that last part out.  
"Well I do." Botan said stubbornly, "And if you don't believe me than it's your loss." With that she walked out onto the balcony. Hiei stared at her as she left. He had seen something in her eyes when she talked that made him feel...not so alone. Maybe even happy?  
'That ferry girl will be the death of me.' He thought as he followed her outside.  
Botan stared at the stars and began to get lost in her thoughts when an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her back. She was about to scream when a hand went over her mouth. Then her captor said, "I never got a chance to respond before...I love you too." Botan smiled as she leaned back in Hiei's arms and drifted off to sleep. 


	9. Chapter 9

Yea, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I got lazy. Anyways, here's the next chapter for all of you who have waited so long. I LOVE YOU DON'T KILL ME!  
-author person thingy

Disclaimer:I own nothing, except YOU!

Chapter 9? The next day...

Botan woke up the next morning in her bed, 'Hiei must have brought me here,' she thought, 'I wonder where he is.' She got up and got dressed and began to look for the demon. She saw that the bathroom door was closed and knocked on it.  
"Hiei? You in there"  
"Yes." So she went to the kitchen and started making breakfast. A few minutes later, Hiei walked in. He looked a little pale.  
"Are you alright? You don't look so good." Botan said.  
"I couldn't keep and of last nights food down...I'm sorry." Hiei said while looking disgusted with himself. Botan noticed this look and said,  
"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Maybe we should try foods you're more accustomed to...like meat. How does steak sound?" Hiei perked up a bit at this and said, "That sounds good"  
"Good," Botan beamed brightly, "And I'll make pancakes for myself." Hiei looked at her, confused.  
"Pan...cakes?" Botan sweatdropped. She had forgotten that Hiei lived out in the Makai for most of his life. He had to hunt for all his food. How was he supposed to know about human food other than meat? Afterall, you can't go hunting for pancakes. (But I can! hunts for wild pancakes)  
"Um...it's a human food." She explained.  
"Oh..." Hiei said while looking embarassed.  
When the food was ready, they sat down. Botan ate all her pancakes but Hiei only managed to eat 1/3 of his steak. Botan kept pleading with him to eat more, but he kept insisting that he was full. So she put the rest away for him to eat later. It was then that Koenma walked in.  
"Um...hi, Botan. Can I talk to you in private for a moment"  
"Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of Hiei"  
"Botan, this is a very private matter." Koenma said through gritted teeth. Botan sighed and got up from the table to follow Koenma to the other room. Hiei stayed in the kitched, but listened very intently to their conversation. (Superior demon hearing, of course.) "Botan, I called the asylum. They'll be here in a few minutes to pick Hiei up." Hiei's eyes widened as he heard this.  
'They're gonna get rid of me?' he thought as he raced to where Botan kept his weapons. Once he had them, he ran to the window and disappeared into the woods.

Botan's eyes widened, "You...WHAT"  
"I called the asylum," Koenma repeated, "They'll be here in a few minutes for him"  
"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? YOU CAN'T GET RID OF HIEI LIKE THAT! HE'S PART OF OUR TEAM"  
"Botan, Hiei is not well. He needs to be treated at an institute. He needs help"  
"SO WE'RE GOING TO SEND HIM AWAY TO BE LOCKED UP AND DRUGGED! I WON'T LET YOU DO THAT TO HIM! THAT'S ABANDONMENT! HE'S HAD ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY"  
"We have to...he's a danger to himself and to others. Besides, he's already tried to kill himself twice in one week. And we'll still be able to go visit him there." Botan sighed in defeat. As much as she didn't want to believe it, it was true. He was a danger to himself. But he would never hurt any of them. And she would still be able to see him during visiting hours.  
"Alright...I'll tell him." She said sadly. She walked to the kitchen to tell him but she saw that he wasn't there. Then she saw that his weapons weren't there either. Finally she noticed that the window was open. 'Oh...crap.' she thought as she yelled for Koenma.  
Meanwhile.  
Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara arrived back where Koenma and Botan were, curious as to why a truck from the institute was parked there, but not overly concerned. They entered the room Koenma and Botan were in, expecting praise from the demi-god, hugs from Botan, and a sarcastic remark from Hiei. But instead they were greeted by a pissed-off Koenma, a weeping Botan, and no sign of the little fire demon.  
"Yusuke! It's about time you got back! I have an emergency that you all need to help with"  
"Hold on, will you? We just got back! And what's with the people in the stupid white uniforms outside?" Yusuke asked. "I called the asylum. They're here to pick up Hiei. But the little shit ran off. I need you all to track him down and bring him back by any means necessary." Kurama looked at Koenma angrily.  
"How dare you betray him like that? Think of all the jobs he's done for you against his will and how do you thank him? You try to get rid of him. You asshole, I can see why he hates you so much. You really don't care about him. He's just another soulless demon for you to massaccre, isn't he." Koenma shook his head, "No, it's not that...Hiei tried to kill himself again and I'm not sure what else to do with him." Kuramas face softened a bit but he still looked angrily at the demi-god.  
"Well," he said,"First things first. Let's go look for Hiei."

CLIFFHANGER! WHAT NOW! Anyways, sorry for not updating for a while. I'm really not sure when I will again but hopefully this will hold you off until then. In the next chapter:  
Botan, Kurama, and Yusuke look for Hiei. Also, the relationship between Hiei and Botan is thinning and takes a strange turn. Then, Hiei prepares to go to the asylum. But first: Hiei meets Ayame. Is love in the air? 


End file.
